The Life and Times of Flynn Rider
by tanglednerd11
Summary: Take a peek into the life of Flynn Rider through his... it's not a diary or a journal. Those are for girls, not men. Rated M for mild language and sexual references. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Dear... Whatever.

This is not a diary. Nor is it a journal. Those are for simpering young maidens to write down their deepest, innermost thoughts about hair ribbons and which boys in the village they are currently flirting with, et cetera. I'm not sure what this is exactly. But it isn't a diary or a journal, because I am a man.

I'm don't really know why I'm writing this. If anyone ever read it, my life would be ruined. Not literally, but the entire persona I've spent nearly my whole life trying to shape would be ripped to shreds. I might as well be dead if that ever happens. After all, a fake reputation is all a man has.

Anyway, the name's Eugene Fitzherbert. But don't call me that. There isn't a single person alive, save myself, who knows my real name. They call me by the alias I invented for myself. Flynn Rider. My parents died when I was 6 years old, and Eugene died with them. I was never rich by any means, but when they left, I found myself on the streets with nothing. I had to create a new life for myself, and I might as well start it as a new person. Flynnigan Rider was my hero. He was the main character in my favorite book, The Tales of Flynnigan Rider. He was a brave, rich adventurer who always seemed to get whatever he wanted. Basically, he was everything I wasn't and everything I aspired to be.

In order to achieve the kind of life I wanted for myself, I started thieving. I was cunning and fast, so I found it easy to break into people's houses through an unlatched window or a backdoor. I stole all kinds of baubles and trinkets from people in my village and sold them. The items I took earned me enough money to make a living for myself, but it eventually became clear that if I wanted a carefree life like Flynnigan Rider's, I was going to have to steal items of great value.

Around the time I realized this, I also began to realize the devastating effect my appearance made on women. I had always known I wasn't grotesquely disfigured by any means, but it became suddenly apparent that I was, well, good-looking. Really good-looking. It occurred to me that I could use this to my advantage, so I did. As a teenager, I would hang around taverns and inns, and when a woman wearing anything I could steal came in, I would flirt with her, kiss her, secuce her. I made a point never to sleep with virgins. In fact, I avoided them like the plague. If anyone found out I had "deflowered" some maiden, I would probably either be killed or forced to marry the damn girl. Neither option sounded appealing to me.

I was skilled with my fingers and could remove necklaces, bracelets, and other pieces of jewelry without a woman noticing. A few times I was with women so drunk that they didn't even notice that I slipped their rings right off of their fingers. Sometimes they were wedding rings. I occasionally felt guilty about it, but I reminded myself that the women obviously didn't take their marriages too seriously if they were willing to engage in a tryst with me. That's all it ever was. A tryst. I was never with a woman longer than a night and I liked it that way. Attachments and love inevitably led to heartbreak and pain, as I had learned from my parents' deaths. I vowed I would never let myself feel anything for another person again, and to this day, I have kept that promise to myself.

My life went on like that for a while. I traveled from town to town and lived a life of danger, thrills, and pleasure. One evening as I was about to escort some drunken woman I had just met to a seedy inn, a pair of twins known as the Stabbington brothers approached me. They were thieves, too, and had heard about me. They told me about their plan to steal the crown of the lost princess of Corona. They needed my help. I had always worked alone, but it occurred to me that a crown was probably worth about as much as everything I'd ever stolen combined. If we got away with it, I could buy myself a castle or my own island or... the possibilities were endless. I ditched the drunk lady and took the Stabbingtons up on their offer.

I've been travelling with the Stabbingtons for about a week now. I don't like or trust them. I wouldn't put it past them to leave me to be thrown in jail and make off with the crown. I'll have to beat them to it! We're on the outskirts of Corona now. We'll be camping out here for the night and we'll steal the crown first thing tomorrow. Once I get away from the Stabbingtons and sell it, I'm going to be the richest man alive! I can't wait to get this over with.

Sincerely? Fondly? Er... soon to be extremely rich-ly,

Flynn


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

I finally thought of an appropriately masculine name for this. But that is the least of all the things that have happened to me so far this morning.

The Stabbingtons and I woke up at the crack of dawn and entered the gates of Corona. It was very quiet. Most of the kingdom's inhabitants were probably still asleep. We climbed on top of the castle.

"I could get used to a view like this," I announced, looking down at the village.

The twins looked impatient. They didn't seem very impressed when I told them I wanted a castle.

"You get this job done, Rider, and you can buy your own castle," one of them grumbled.

My plan exactly.

We proceeded to very carefully remove part of the roof above the room the crown was kept in. We looked down and, as we suspected, the guards were all facing away from the crown. It never occurred to them that someone might descend from the ceiling to take it. The Stabbingtons lowered me down on a rope. I was hanging directly over the coveted crown. One of the guards sneezed.

"Hay fever?" I asked smugly.

I assumed the guards were all too sleep-deprived for it to occur to them where the voice had come from. I was right. I grabbed the crown, shoved it into my satchel, and the Stabbingtons pulled me up immediately. By the time the guards realized I was there, I was already through the roof. We took off running towards the woods outside Corona. We saw wanted posters of us posted on trees. The kingdom must have already known about our reputations. Whoever had created the posters had taken some artistic liberty with my nose. It looked big and lumpy. My nose is much better-looking than that, thank you very much.

There was a cliff we would have to climb and I saw that this was my opportunity to lose the twins. I asked them to give me a lift and I'd help them climb up. They were smarter than I had anticipated, because they told me to give them the satchel first. Luckily, they didn't know just how sneaky I could be. I pretended to be offended.

"You mean to say after all we've been through together, you don't trust me?" I asked.

The Stabbingtons exchanged bored glances.

"Ouch," I said, relinquishing my satchel to them.

They hoisted me up and told me to pull them.

"Sorry," I told them with a smirk, "My hands are full."

I whipped the satchel out from behind me. The brothers were dumbfounded. I laughed and continued running, leaving the Stabbingtons to be captured. The guards eventually began to catch up with me, but a group of men on horseback in the woods are no match for one man on foot who can quickly dodge around the trees. One of the riders ran into a branch and was thrown off of his horse. Everything happened so quickly, but I somehow ended up on the horse's back. I laughed, pulled the reins, and took off. The one benefit of being on a horse was that it was faster. Unfortunately, he was smart enough to realize that the rider now on his back was not his master. He halted immediately and refused to budge, no matter how hard I nudged him.

The events that happened next aren't entirely clear. I was desperate and acting on impulse. I remember the horse taking off after me and the satchel flying through the air, catching on a tree branch, dangling over a high cliff. I remember crawling out on the tree branch and a loud snap. I clamped my eyes shut, preparing to crash onto the ground below.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was on the ground. I was miraculously unharmed. That horse was still alive and after me, so I sought a hiding place. I pushed aside some vines, hoping to hide behind them, and was surprised to find a clearing behind them. A rather large one. In the middle of that clearing was the strangest thing- a tower. It was an extremely tall tower and, though I searched all around the bottom of it, I could not find a door.

There is a window towards the top of the tower. That seems to be the only entrance. I've stopped for a moment to catch my breath and write this entry. I'm going to attempt to climb it now. Hopefully I won't fall to my death.

Flynn


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

Well, climbing that tower was about the biggest mistake of my entire life.

I used a broken arrow to help me reach the top. It took an excruciatingly long time and the muscles in my arms were in agony by the time I climbed through that window. I removed my satchel- that crown is surprisingly heavy- and let out a sigh of relief.

"Ah, alone at last," I breathed.

My peaceful solitude was interrupted by a loud clang. I must have fainted. I opened my eyes and felt dizzy and disoriented. My head hurt like hell. I remember seeing big, green, feminine eyes. Then I heard another clang.

When I came to again, I was sitting in a chair. Something wet was in my ear and I screamed. I turned to see this frog sticking its tongue in my ear. Well, that was creepy. I tried to stand up, but I couldn't. When I looked down, I could see that I was bound into the chair with something silky and gold in color.

"Is this… hair?" I wondered aloud.

I heard rustling. There was another person in the room.

"Struggling…" said a young woman's shaky voice, "Struggling is pointless."

"Huh?" I asked.

Wow, I'm so articulate.

I heard more rustling, like the girl was moving to another part of the room.

"I know why you're here," she declared, "And I am not afraid of you."

Actually, she sounded plenty afraid, if you ask me. Finally, she stepped out of the shadows. She was a very slim, petite girl who I guessed to be in her late teens. I frying pan was in her hands. No doubt that was what she had been hitting me with. Her face was heart-shaped, with huge, bright green eyes and a light dusting of freckles. She was really quite pretty, but what really struck me about her appearance was her hair. She had the longest hair I had ever seen in my life, and it was bright gold. It was so long that she was able to bind me in a chair with it! My jaw dropped.

"Who are you and how did you find me?" she demanded.

I just stared. She repeated herself. I shook my head and began to flirt with her. Why not? She was very attractive, even if she was badly in need of a haircut. And perhaps if I played my cards right, she would unbind me.

"I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you, but may I just say… hi," I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, "How you doing? The name's Flynn Rider. How's your day going? Huh?"

She seemed incredibly unimpressed. She just asked who else knew her location.

"Alright, Blondie…" I began.

"Rapunzel," she corrected.

"Gesundheit," I told her.

Rapunzel is such a strange name. I started telling her about how I was wandering through the forest and came across the tower. Then I realized I didn't have my satchel. I panicked.

"I've hidden it somewhere you'll never find it," she smirked.

I glanced around the room.

"It's in that pot, isn't it?" I asked.

Bad move. She hit me with the frying pan again. I revived sometime later with that frog's tongue in my ear again. I screamed.

"Now it's hidden where you'll never find it," Rapunzel said smugly.

Then she asked me what I wanted with her hair. I was shocked. What the hell would I want with her hair? Aside from getting out of it, of course. When I told her this, she seemed surprised. She turned away and started talking to that creepy little frog of hers. Not only did she have a weird name and unnaturally long hair, but she was also delusional and thought she could talk to animals. Finally she turned back to me and told me she would offer me a deal. If I take her to see these floating lanterns the king and queen of Corona release for the lost princess every year, she will return my satchel to me.

I tried to get out of it.

"I'm afraid you leave me with no choice," I told her, "Here comes the smolder."

She frowned at me. I don't understand; she frowned at me! No woman can resist the smolder! No one!

"This is kind of an off-day for me. This doesn't normally happen," I told her, "Alright! I'll take you to see the lanterns."

Rapunzel suddenly became very excited. I sighed, grabbed the broken arrow I used to climb up, and began to descend the wall of the tower.

"You coming, Blondie?" I called.

She hesitated and finally used her hair to slide down to the ground. She seemed amazed when her feet finally touched the ground. I sat down to wait for her, but she wasn't ready to go. She still isn't. I've just been sitting around for the last hour or so while she alternates between running around excitedly and bawling. She talks to herself, too. She keeps muttering about how her mother is going to be so upset if she discovers Rapunzel left the tower.

Maybe I can take advantage of this. I'll play on her obviously conflicting emotions about her mother and persuade her to give me my satchel so we can go our separate ways. I really don't want to take her to see the lanterns. She's obviously insane. Besides, I can't go to Corona. I'm a wanted thief there!

I suppose I had better go talk to her.

Flynn


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

Damn it, damn it, damn it. It didn't work. She wants to see those stupid lanterns no matter what. I'm taking her to this pub called the Snuggly Duckling for lunch. There will be all kinds of menacing thieves and thugs there. Hopefully she'll be scared and change her mind.

Again, damn it.

Flynn


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

You will never guess where I am right now. I am camping in the woods outside of Corona. If you're wondering if Rapunzel is still with me, yes, she is. And that is alright. More than alright, really. It's been a really long day. I guess I should fill you in.

I took Rapunzel to the Snuggly Duckling and, as I expected, she was terrified. She held that frying pan in front of her the entire time and looked as if she might faint.

Suddenly, someone held up a wanted poster of me and everyone recognized me. Someone went to find the palace guards and everyone else began fighting over who would receive the reward money for finding me. They all grabbed at me and wouldn't put me down. Rapunzel did something I never would have expected of her. She flung her hair to hook around these antlers that were hanging on the wall and she pulled as hard as she could. The thugs were all immediately silent and stared at Rapunzel.

"Put him down!" she screamed bravely.

She proceeded to describe her dream of seeing the lanterns and explain that she needed me to act as her guide. She urged the thugs to "find your humanity!" Hook raised his axe and began to approach her threateningly. I expected him to chop her in half and, judging from the expression on her face, she did, too. I felt a little bit guilty. She was trying to protect me, after all, even though I'm a grown man and don't need anyone to protect me. Hook stopped right in front of her, though.

"I had a dream once," he told her.

He flung his axe into the wall, right above the pub's accordion player, who began to play. Hook began singing about his dream to be a concert pianist. All of the other thugs started singing about their dreams, too. Someone hung me from a hook on the wall. I was afraid my doublet was going to rip. I stayed there scowling until someone asked me "What about your dream?"

"Sorry, boys. I don't sing," I informed everyone.

I found myself staring at a variety of swords, knives, axes, and other weapons. Alright, maybe I did sing. No one seemed very impressed by my dream of owning my own private island, though.

The moment the song was over, the palace guards arrived, demanding to know where I was. I grabbed Rapunzel and pulled her behind a table. Hook found us and motioned to a hidden door behind the bar.

"Go. Live your dream," he said.

"I will," I replied gratefully.

Hook looked disgusted.

"Your dream stinks. I was talking to her!" he informed me.

Rapunzel kissed Hook's cheek before entering the secret tunnel. I thought I felt a strange stab of jealousy, but I'm sure it was just my imagination. Rapunzel, her pet frog- I mean chameleon- named Pascal, and I continued walking. I told her she was pretty impressive back at the pub.

"I know!" she exclaimed, then seemed to realize she was overly excited and repeated in calm, mysterious tones, "I know."

Then she asked where I was from.

"Sorry, Blondie, I don't do back story," I told her.

I switched the conversation around to her, but it was cut short.

"Rider!" yelled the captain of the guard.

The palace guards were on our trail!

"Run!" I screamed to Rapunzel.

She seemed to agree that running was a good idea. We ran until we reached a dam at the end of the tunnel. Rapunzel thrust her frying pan at me. What was I supposed to do with it? Then she tossed her hair to the other side of the dam and swung away from the guards who were chasing us. They were gaining on me. I swung the frying pan from side to side and it turned out to be quite the weapon! Then that horse appeared. The same horse that was chasing me when I found Rapunzel's tower. He was holding his master's sword between his teeth and began dueling with me. He was much better at fencing than any of the humans and he knocked the frying pan out of my hands. I was terrified.

"Flynn!" Rapunzel shrieked.

She threw her hair to me and pulled me to the other side. That horse just wouldn't let us get away, though. He used his back hooves to kick down the wooden foundations supporting the dam. It fell and the water came crashing down. Rapunzel and I ran into a cave. I saw the frying pan and managed to grab it right before a boulder came slamming down and sealed the entrance of the cave. Water seeped in and quickly began to flood the cave, so we climbed up as high as we could. I dove in to try to find a way out, but it was too dark to see anything. I tried again and cut my hand on a rock. It didn't not hurt. Rapunzel decided to try, but I pulled her up.

"Hey, there's no point. It's pitch black down there," I told her, pushing wet strands of hair out of her face.

Rapunzel began to cry.

"This is all my fault. She was right. I never should have done this!" she sobbed, "I'm so sorry Flynn."

There was silence for a moment.

"Eugene," I corrected her softly.

"What?" she asked, her tear-stained gaze meeting mine.

"My real name is Eugene Fitzherbert," I told her, "Someone might as well know."

I can't believe I told her my real name. I've never told anyone my real name. But part of me didn't want to die without someone knowing who I really am. And she just looked so sad and helpless that for a moment, I actually trusted her. I've never trusted anyone before.

She smiled shakily at me. I wondered if she had something to confess, too.

"I have magic hair that glows when I sing," she told me.

"What?"

That was definitely not the kind of confession I was expecting.

The water was up to our shoulders now, but she suddenly grabbed a lock of her hair and brightened.

"I have magic hair that glows when I sing!" she exclaimed.

"Flower, gleam and glow. Let your power shine," she managed to choke out, before we both took a huge gasp of breath and plunged underwater.

Her hair slowly began to glow. She was serious! I was so shocked that I gasped and let out all of the air I had just breathed in. Her hair illuminated a pile of rocks. Maybe, just maybe, we could clear away the rocks and there would be a hole to escape from. We swam down and frantically flung the rocks out of the way. My hand was the first to feel air. This inspired us to work harder. Finally, the rocks gave way and we tumbled into a river. We climbed out, gasping. I couldn't get over the fact that her hair glows.

"We made it," Rapunzel gasped.

"Her hair glows…" I muttered.

"I'm alive… I'm alive!"

"I didn't see that coming."

"Eugene," she stated.

"Her hair actually glows!"

"Eugene!" she yelled.

"What?"

"It doesn't just glow."

That creepy little frog/chameleon Pascal was smirking at me. I thought I was losing my mind. Rapunzel grabbed my wrist and told me to help her find somewhere to stay for the night. The sun was setting. She made me chop firewood and help her start a fire before ordering me to sit on a log. She wound the tips of her blonde hair around the cut on my hand. She told me not to panic and began singing that song again. The one that made her hair glow back in the cave. When she was done singing, I unwrapped her hair from my hand and was amazed to see that my hand was completely healed. No blood. No scar. Nothing. I gasped. I would have screamed, but Rapunzel stopped me. I asked her how long her hair has been doing that.

"Uh… forever, I guess?" she answered.

She told me that her mother told her people tried to cut it when she was little so they could use her power. She pushed her golden tresses behind her ear to reveal a single, short lock of brown hair. She told me that once it's cut, it turns brown and loses its power. That's why she spent her entire life in that tower. I asked her if she was planning to go back.

"No!" she declared, "Yes… It's complicated."

Then she changed the subject.

"So Eugene Fitzherbert, huh?"

How embarrassing. I told her it's not a very happy story, but she inched closer to me.

"There was this book," I told her, "A book I used to read every night to all the younger kids. 'The Tales of Flynnigan Rider.' Swashbuckling rogue, richest man alive, not bad with the ladies, either. Not that he would ever brag about it of course."

Rapunzel asked if Flynnigan was a thief, too.

"Well, no," I said, feeling a little bit guilty for the lifestyle I lead for the first time in my life.

Flynnigan Rider hadn't needed to steal. He was born rich. But what else was I supposed to do?

"You can't tell anyone about this, okay?" I told her, "It could ruin my whole reputation."

Rapunzel smiled. She looks pretty when she smiles. Wait… why did I just write that?

"Ah. We wouldn't want that," she teased.

"Well, a fake reputation is all a man has."

She smiled again. Then there was a long, awkward pause. I broke it by excusing myself to fetch more firewood. That's what I'm supposedly doing right now, but actually I'm sitting here writing about her smile. She really does look gorgeous when she smiles… Alright, stop it, Eugene! Stop it!

I can't stop thinking about her. What's wrong with me? I've never given any woman a second thought in my entire life. When it comes to a woman, I just fuck her and move on to the next. That's what I've always done. Damn feelings, damn love, and damn girls with weird names and magic hair who just happen to look pretty when they smile.

You know what? This probably doesn't even have anything to do with Rapunzel at all. I'm probably just frustrated, if you know what I mean. It's been a week and a half since I've been with a woman. I probably just need to stay out here alone a little while longer, pull down my pants, and… well, I'm sure all men do it. We just don't talk about it. There's no real shame in it.

But her smile… wow.

Eugene


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

That small bit of "manly relief" last night did not help me one bit. Especially since I was thinking about her smile the whole time. I wasn't even imagining DOING anything with her. Just the thought of her smile was enough. When I finished, I sighed, disgusted with myself, grabbed some firewood, and hurried back to our little camp. Rapunzel looked sort of worried when I returned. I asked her what was wrong, but she said she was just thinking. I shrugged and changed the subject. I didn't really believe her, but if I prompted her to tell me what was wrong, I'd probably have to comfort her, which would mean I'd probably have to hug her, and with the way I've been feeling around her, having any sort of physical contact with her, no matter how small and seemingly meaningless, sounds dangerous.

I might as well admit it. I like her. But there's no harm in liking someone, right? I mean, you can like someone and tell them secrets about yourself that no one else knows and think they're attractive and not want to have any sort of romantic relationship with them. It's definitely possible. It happens all of the time. I can't think of any specific examples right now, but I will get back to you on that.

Anyway, last night was a little strange for me. This morning has proved to be just as strange so far. I was sleeping peacefully- at least as peacefully as an extremely light sleeper who has a lot on his mind can- when I felt water droplets on my cheek. At first I thought it was raining, but then I realized that my forearms were uncovered and I wasn't feeling any sort of wetness on them. I opened my eyes to see a very angry-looking horse bending over me. I tried to remain calm.

"Well, I hope you've come to apologize," I said.

So such luck. He grabbed the toe of my boot in his teeth and began dragging me. I yelled and screamed. This must have woken up Rapunzel, because she ran over and immediately managed to calm the horse down. He even dropped my boot when she ordered him, too. She began calling him "such a good boy" and using baby talk. It was kind of revolting, really.

"No one ever appreciates you, do they?" she cooed, "Do they?"

The horse shook his head and nuzzled her.

"You have got to be kidding me," I said to no one in particular.

Rapunzel proceeded to tell the horse- apparently his name is Maximus- that she needed me to take her to see the lights, and that if he leaves me alone for the rest of the day, we can then chase each other to our hearts' contents. I thrust my right hand out at Maximus, but he wasn't willing to call a truce.

"And it's also my birthday," Rapunzel said, smiling, "Just so you know."

Maximus scowled at me (I don't understand how a horse can scowl, but I swear that's what he was doing) and stuck out his right hoof. We shook. Yes, I shook hands with Maximus. I never thought I'd have my dignity taken away from me by a horse! How embarrassing.

Rapunzel's off doing something. Brushing her hair, probably. When she returns, we're heading off to Corona. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure this is the best day of her life. And that's not because I have any sort of feelings for her, because I can assure you, I do not! It's because it's her birthday. Everyone deserves to have a happy birthday. Especially if they've never done anything for their birthday before in their life and they're as pretty as Rapunzel.

Excuse me while I go bang my head against a tree.

Eugene


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

We arrived in Corona and Rapunzel's hair proved to be a problem. There are so many people here and her hair was nearly stepped on or run over several times. I was helping her gather up all of her long, golden tresses when I saw the perfect solution. A group of little red-haired girls sitting around braiding each others' hair. The looks on their faces when their eyes fell upon Rapunzel was priceless. They immediately set to work braiding her hair. They eventually managed to tame her hair into a long, thick braid that reaches her ankles. She spun around, her new braid swishing around her body and her face lit with excitement. She is so beautiful. Maximus caught me staring and gave me a suggestive look. It's almost as if that damn horse can read my thoughts! I shoved his face away and pretended to be annoyed.

After Rapunzel's hair was out of the way, we began to explore the city. She is so excited about even the smallest things. I know she never left her tower until yesterday morning, so she is seeing a city for the first time. Her enthusiasm is contagious and really, well, adorable. She has been smiling all day. So far, we have explored many of the shops, eaten cupcakes, visited the palace library, and I have watched Rapunzel paint a mural of the Corona crest. Since she obviously liked the sun symbol, I bought her a small flag. She loved it. Now she is dancing. She heard musicians playing and just impulsively started dancing in the middle of the street. I am standing here watching her as I write. Her skirt swishes with every graceful step she takes and her hands are in the air. Her eyes are closed. It seems almost as if she's unaware that anyone is around her. Except that she is. She keeps pulling more and more people in to join her in the dance. There's just something unignorable about Rapunzel that draws people in.

I feel her drawing me in, too. I can't deny it, and it terrifies me. You know how I said I have no romantic interest in her? Well, I was lying to myself. All afternoon I've been fighting the urge to take her in my arms and kiss her. But I can't do that. If I kissed her, I think I might become attached. I learned the hard way when my parents died, that if you rely on another person, they will leave you. It's better to just ignore these feelings I'm having about her. I'm sure they'll eventually fade.

One more thing- This entire day I haven't stolen once. I've introduced myself as Eugene, not Flynn, to anyone who asks. I haven't thought about having my own island and a castle until just now. Thinking about it used to fill me with impatience and a feeling of need. Thinking about it now fills me with… nothing. This is so strange. I know it's because of Rapunzel. I feel like she's pulling down my disguise and I don't know what to do now. I'm trying to be Eugene again, but it's so hard. I don't even know who Eugene is anymore…

I'm so confused.

Eugene


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I messed up. I really messed up. I don't even want to imagine what she probably thinks of me now. It started out so great, too… I guess I should start at the beginning.

I took Rapunzel to see the lights last night, as I promised. I tossed some apples at Maximus so he would leave us alone. I told him I bought most of them, but of course I was kidding. I bought all of them. I haven't stolen anything all day. Anyway, I rented a boat and I rowed out to the middle of Lake Corona. I figured it would be a perfect view for watching the lanterns.

Rapunzel looked kind of scared, so I asked her if she was alright.

"I'm terrified," was her response, "What if it's not all I dreamed it would be?"

I looked at her. She looked so beautiful in the glow of evening, with those flowers braided into her hair and the moon reflecting from her big, green eyes. She looked so sweet and innocent and perfect, like someone I didn't deserve. I've always thought I deserved whatever I wanted, but I didn't think I deserved her. Now I know I don't.

"It will be," I told her; I was sure of it.

"And what if is?" she asked, "What do I do then?"

I smiled slightly.

"That's the good part, I guess," I answered, "You get to find a new dream."

I was fairly certain she was becoming my new dream. I was disgusted with myself, but I couldn't fight it. She smiled back at me.

Then we saw the first lantern floating towards us. Rapunzel gasped and scrambled to the front of the small boat, rocking it slightly. Before too long, the entire night sky was lit up with hundreds, probably even thousands, of floating lanterns. It was the second most beautiful sight I'd ever encountered. The first was the girl I was watching it with. I reached out and grabbed two of the lanterns. Finally Rapunzel turned around and saw me sitting there holding them. She smiled.

"I have something for you, too," she said, producing my satchel from behind her back.

I wondered briefly if she'd had it with her for our entire trip, but the truth was that I didn't really care. She handed it to me.

"I should have given it to you earlier, but I was scared," she apologized, "But I'm not so scared anymore. You know what I mean?"

I understood what she meant. My heart soared to know she wanted me, too, and most of my fear vanished in that moment.

"I'm starting to," I said softly, pushing the satchel back towards her.

Her face brightened into a huge smile. We sat there staring into each other's eyes for a while. Rapunzel saw a lantern with the Corona crest on it floating close to the water. She reached out her hand to guide it up into the sky again. I took the opportunity to cover her small, dainty hand with my much larger one. She glanced down at our hands with surprise and then smiled up at me. I took both of her hands in mine. I've never been alone with a woman just innocently holding hands before. It felt really nice. She exposed this gentle, innocent side of me I never even knew I had.

When the lanterns started to disperse, I reached up to cup her cheek in my hand. Her skin felt so soft. I just wanted to touch her forever. I stared into her eyes, used my hand to draw her face closer to mine, and began to lean in. I wanted to kiss her so badly. I had been fighting it all afternoon, but I couldn't help myself. Besides, I was starting to think that maybe we could really be something after all.

That was when I made my biggest mistake ever. I noticed something out of the corner of my eye: The Stabbington brothers on the other side of the lake. Rapunzel's face was a mere inch or two from mine. I should have just ignored the Stabbingtons. I should have leaned in a little closer and captured her lips with mine. But I didn't.

Rapunzel noticed my hesitation and asked me if everything was alright. I glanced at the satchel next to her and began rowing the boat to shore. I assured her that everything was fine and I just had something I needed to take care of. I genuinely believed it. Rapunzel offered me a shaky smile as I grabbed the satchel and began to walk away.

I found the Stabbingtons and tried to give them the satchel. I didn't want it anymore. I didn't want anything to do with my criminal past again. But somehow they had heard about Rapunzel and her magic hair. They didn't take the satchel. They tied me to their boat along with the crown of the lost princess. I tried to call out Rapunzel's name, but they gagged me and pushed the boat to sail in the direction of Corona. All I could think about was Rapunzel. I didn't even care what happened to me. I probably deserved it. But Rapunzel… she was just an innocent young maiden. The Stabbingtons were going to use her magic hair and, well, I wouldn't put it past them to use her for their sexual satisfaction, too. The thought of either of them touching her sweet, soft body filled me with disgust.

The palace guards saw the boat I was on approaching. They noticed the crown and they saw that the man holding it was the notorious Flynn Rider. They grabbed me as soon as I reached the shore and dragged me to the palace dungeon. I didn't struggle or put up any kind of a fight. There was nothing I could do. They threw me into a cell and locked the door. I sat in the corner and buried my face in my hands for a while. Then I took out this book and began to write.

Now I am just pacing around the barred room, writing, and thinking about her. I'm so worried for her. This is all my fault for getting involved with those bastards. And I dragged her into it as well. I am the worst person alive. I wish I was dead. No… I wish I had never been born. Then Rapunzel wouldn't be in this mess.

I hate myself.

Eugene


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

I died yesterday. No, really. I did.

I didn't think I would get any sleep at all during my night in the dungeon, but I must have, because I woke up cold and shivering in a corner of the jail cell. I rubbed my eyes and forced myself to stand. I began pacing the cell and I eventually stopped to grasp the bars of the room's single window. I wondered where Rapunzel was. Was she alright? Had the Stabbingtons hurt her? Had she managed to get away from them? I was still staring out the window when three guards appeared and told me to come with them.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

I looked into their cold, hard eyes and comprehension dawned on me. I was to be executed.

"Oh," I said quietly, my hand automatically flying up to my neck.

They led me out of the cell into a long hallways full of cells. The shackles on my wrists really hurt. I noticed The Stabbington brothers out of the corner of my eye. Rapunzel wasn't with them. She must have escaped somehow! I still had some questions for them, though. I broke away from the guards on either side of me and grabbed onto the bars of their cell.

"How did you know about her?" I demanded.

The twins looked stunned.

"It wasn't us. It was the old lady!" one of them told me.

"The old lady?" I echoed as the guards dragged me away again.

I didn't try to break away again, but I was shocked when I saw a small ceramic unicorn in the hallway. I only knew of one person who might have ceramic unicorns. Vladimir from The Snuggly Duckling.

A few moments later, pub thugs dispatched the guards leading me and broke off my shackles. I was led outside and catapulted onto the back of Maximus. He had gone to the Snuggly Duckling and planned my escape! I was surprised and touched. I always thought Max hated me. I tried to thank him and tell him how much this meant to me, but he gave me an annoyed look. I will never understand how he manages to do that…

"You're right. We should go," I agreed.

He took off, scaring me once when he jumped off of the palace onto a roof, and galloped into the woods. He ran twice as fast as usual and it only took about an hour to reach the clearing holding Rapunzel's tower. I was frantic to know if she was alright.

"Rapunzel, let down your hair!" I shouted.

For a moment, all was silent, but I finally heard rustling from above, followed by several feet of golden hair dropping from the window. I climbed up as quickly as I could. I had to see her, apologize to her, and set things right.

When I reached the top, I couldn't see her at first. Then I heard a muffled scream that sounded a little bit like "Eugene!" I glanced in the direction of the yell and saw Rapunzel on the floor, bound and gagged. Her eyes were filled with pure terror, but she wasn't looking at me. She was looking at something- or someone- behind me. I turned around to see a woman with curly black hair and the iciest blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. I felt a sudden sharp pain in my abdomen and noticed she was clutching a dagger. She had stabbed me. I assumed this woman was the Mother Gothel woman Rapunzel had told me about. I wasn't really expecting her to be a kind, matronly woman who was all smiles and served tea and biscuits, but I also wasn't expecting this evil ice queen. She said she was taking Rapunzel away forever and told her "daughter" to come along.

Rapunzel shook her head and the strip of silk covering her mouth slid down around her neck. She looked frightened, but her voice came out strong when she told Gothel she would never go along and she would fight to get away for the rest of her life.

Then she did something that shocked me to my core. She said if Gothel let her heal me, she would never try to escape. She would stay with this monstrous woman forever, just like she wanted.

"Rapunzel, no!" I groaned, writhing in pain from the stab wound.

Gothel agreed to Rapunzel's plea. She chained me up and Rapunzel ran to me. I begged her not to do this, but she wouldn't listen. My right hand had a shackle around it, but I managed to lift it high enough to grasp Rapunzel's hair. With my left hand, I grabbed a fragment from a broken mirror. With all of the strength I could summon up, I lifted the shard of glass and chopped off all of Rapunzel's long, blonde hair in one fluid motion. Exhaused, I fell back. Rapunzel gasped and grabbed the long locks of hair, which were quickly turning brown. Mother Gothel's young appearance faded into that of an old, white-haired lady. She screamed with horror and pulled the hood of her cape over her eyes. She stumbled around. Pascal tripped her and the old woman fell out of the window. Rapunzel reached out for her, after all, Gothel was all she had ever known, but it was no use. The woman was surely dead.

Rapunzel glanced down at me again with fear and attempted to sing the incantation, but it was futile. I rasped out her name a few times to get her attention and she finally stopped singing.

"You were my new dream," I told her.

Through my heavily-lidded eyes I could see tears fill her eyes.

"And you were mine," she cried.

She held me for a long time. I could feel myself slowly slipping away. Everything faded into a black oblivion. I saw a small light in the distance. I knew I was supposed to approach it, but something held me back. Even in this trance-like state, my thoughts were of Rapunzel. She had lost so much. She needed me and I couldn't leave her. I… I loved her. I needed to tell her I love her. This strange place I was in was not unpleasant, but… I couldn't die. Not now. Not when she needed me. Suddenly the light began to shift. It was no longer just a light. It looked like a sun symbol- the very same one I had seen on the Corona flag. That was strange. I decided to go towards it after all. I floated closer and it got larger, shooting out sunbeams that seemed to glow, not unlike Rapunzel's hair when it still possessed its healing power.

All of the sudden I was back in my own body. I felt no more pain. I blinked a few times to regain my focus and my eyes settled on a slim young woman with curious green eyes and choppy brown hair. She had never looked more beautiful to me.

"Rapunzel," I said, "Have I ever told you I have a thing for brunettes?"

"Eugene!" she gasped.

She threw her arms around me and her lips met mine. My eyes widened in shock, but I quickly settled into it. This was like no kiss I had ever experienced. Of course, I had never kissed someone that I loved before. It was… great. We lay there kissing for a long time.

The shackle around my wrist turned out not to be all that strong, so I was able to break out of it easily. As for what Rapunzel and I did last night… well, a gentleman never tells. But I am lying here in Rapunzel's bed this morning with a beautiful sleeping girl cuddled against me and a quill pen in my hand as I write this. And it feels wonderful. Perfect, in fact. So this is what it feels like to love and be loved.

I'm so glad I was wrong about everything. I love her so much.

Eugene


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Book of Manly Thoughts,

I have the worst hangover right now. My head is throbbing like hell. I probably shouldn't have drunk so much last night. This past week has been great, though!

The morning after I came back to life, Rapunzel and I set off for Corona. She is the lost princess. I had my suspicions, and they turned out to be true. Rapunzel was terrified to meet her real parents, and I must confess that I was, too. I have a criminal past. I stole the crown of their lost daughter. Why should they like me or accept the fact that their daughter and I are in love? I was afraid they might throw me back in the dungeon the minute they saw me. Luckily, things turned out differently.

Rapunzel and I arrived at the palace and told the guard at the gate we needed to see the king and queen. He didn't let us in at first. He told us that the royal family was very busy and tried to turn us away. It took quite a bit of convincing, but the guard finally admitted that Rapunzel does look exactly like the queen. We were taken to this balcony to wait for Rapunzel's parents to arrive. When they did, their faces bore the most stunned expressions I'd ever seen in my life. Rapunzel and the queen had the same brown hair (though the queen's was quite a bit longer; hopefully Rapunzel's will grow out), green eyes, slightly upturned nose, and cowlick. The guard was right; the resemblance was striking.

Rapunzel and her mother stared at each other in silence for several seconds before embracing. The king joined in. They looked perfect together. A family. It almost made me cry manly tears, because I was sure family was something I'd never have again since my parents' deaths.

I was wrong. The queen extended her hand to me. I thought she was going to shake my hand and thank me for returning her lost daughter and reuniting their family, so I placed my hand in hers. I was shocked when she pulled me in to join their hug. Family. For the first time since my parents passed, I had a family.

They really are my family. They're going to be my in-laws, in fact. I am extremely embarrassed to admit it, as it would ruin my reputation as a hardened, manly man, but I proposed to Rapunzel on our way back to Corona. She burst into tears, which worried be for a second before I noticed the smile on her face. She flung her arms around my neck and gasped out "Yes!" I've never been so happy in my entire life. This love thing may be embarrassing, but I must confess that I like it. No, I love it. And I don't care if it seems like we're rushing things at all. In a mere three days, she managed to tear down every last one of my defenses, which is something no one has ever been able to do in my entire life. I love her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And when you know, you just know.

I just wish I could change the past. I've done some downright horrible things, and I'm definitely not "pure." Rapunzel is perfect. She's like an angel. I regret my past, but I'm going to spend the rest of my life being good for her.

Anyway, upon the lost princess's return, there was a huge party thrown in Corona. It lasted a week, and, to be honest, I don't remember most of it. I spent the majority of it drunk. I know Rapunzel got a little bit tipsy. One of the few moments I do remember is that we were caught kissing behind a curtain. We didn't get in any serious trouble for it. Rapunzel's parents smirked at us and exchanged knowing glances, and we got a small lecture, but that was it.

Sincerely,

Eugene Fitzherbert, the very hungover royal consort and future husband to Princess Rapunzel of Corona


End file.
